There are so many stories of bridezillas, and we rarely get to hear any about groomzillas. There are few and rare, but they exist, people.
As important as the wedding day is, and as careful as the soon-to-be couple may be to ensure that their day goes perfectly, some things would always be out of their control. Nine times out of ten, bad things happen when people try to control every single thing, especially when it comes to their wedding.
It gets worse when what they are trying to control affects their partner, yet they continue, focusing more on themselves. The marriage may already be off to a bad start. In this story, OP’s obsessive need to be in control of everything might ruin his wedding. Here’s some backstory.
OP and his fiancée are supposed to get married in April. His fiancée has 6 bridesmaids confirmed to be at the wedding, meanwhile, he has 5 groomsmen. You don’t see the problem with this, do you?
The problem is OP has OCD. It also means he’s a perfectionist and is fixated on certain details, which may seem irrelevant to the common person. He gets really anxious and uncomfortable when he can’t fix details to his liking. And the imbalance between the number of bridesmaids and groomsmen is one of those cases.
He tried to find an extra groomsman to even the numbers, but the struggle is he is not a very sociable person, nor does he have a large group of close friends. He couldn’t find anyone else who could fill the position.
OP came up with a solution to the problem. He told his fiancée to drop one of her bridesmaids from the line-up. Imagine saying that to a bride-to-be who has probably been fantasizing about this day for a very long time.
He thought she would understand his plight because she knows how much he struggles with OCD. Instead, she wasn’t so pleased about it — who would? She accused him of using his condition to try to control her and alienate her from one of her friends just to conform to his demands.
He feels like she’s being unreasonable, especially when he knows that she’s not that close to two of her bridesmaids. He thinks she could easily drop one of her friends from the line-up and just invite them as normal wedding guests without causing too much drama. One of the things she would also want is for him to be comfortable during the wedding, and he’s afraid the imbalance would not allow that.
The imbalance would eat at him and make him anxious throughout the wedding, but he claims his fiancée is refusing to see his side of the situation. She’s putting her foot down and denying his request.
What People Think
People believe they may have found the last groomzilla, his race nearly lost to extinction.
OCD can be terrible to deal with, but in this case, OP sounds a bit selfish and entitled. The wedding day is hers as much as it is his.
u/throwaway_RRRolling understands OP’s dilemma, but they still don’t think he has a right to make such a request:
“YTA – If you’re going as far to devalue the friendships she has to justify your actions, you know you’re pretty far in the wrong. This wedding is for both of you. While changing decorations to suit comforts would be reasonable, asking her to do things that may change the trajectory of her friendships over a known fixation isn’t particularly fair. This may be a time when you have to double down on self-soothing.”
Another user makes a list of all the things wrong with OP’s request:
“One, you having OCD, being a perfectionist and not being very social are all your problems. Not hers.
Two, I don’t see why she should have to exclude and thereby potentially offend and alienate one of her friends from her big day just because you want everything to be ‘balanced’.
Three, one important rule in weddings. You get to choose your groomsmen and she gets to choose her bridesmaids. Period. If you think there is an imbalance try to work way out rather than making her ‘give up’ a friend.
Having OCD can’t be an excuse for entitled and inconsiderate behavior.”
I agree with all these and believe that OP should be more considerate of his partner. Marriage, after all, involves a lot of comprises.
This article was produced and syndicated by Hello Sensible.
This thread inspired this post.