It’d have saved me a few heartbreaks if an older woman had told me I needed to love myself before seeking love from others. An internet user asked older men in an online community to share relationship gems. Here are their best answers.
1. You Live, and You Learn
An older gentleman says it hurts when a relationship ends on bad terms. It’s even worse if there’s something you could’ve done, and she’s a beauty. The best thing is to keep it moving, and they’d never get back with their ex as they’re incompatible.
2. Infatuation Is Not Love
Way too many people confuse infatuation with love. A commenter believes that everyone feels intensely infatuated with their partner at some point, and it’s a good feeling. It’s okay, but don’t confuse it with love.
3. Don’t Settle
A man explains how he almost married two women due to societal pressure. They were not bad people; they just didn’t fit in completely. He is glad he did not go on, as his wife, who he married at thirty, is fantastic.
Think through your feelings, and don’t ignore any doubts. This is harder in practice but will help you avoid settling for close. Identifying what you don’t want will help you know what you want.
4. Love Is a Verb
Love is like working or exercising. You don’t fall into it. A user states that sometimes love is difficult, just like work. It will be stressful and painful, but that’s okay because it’s mostly easy and fun.
Good relationships require commitment to loving your companion every day and letting them love you. At the same time, don’t be the only one giving in a relationship; you also need to receive.
5. Marry a Mind
Nothing comes before the mind. Someone indicates that no matter how good a woman looks or how much you enjoy the relationship, it may stop when she starts talking. So it’s best to ensure she has something worth listening to forever.
6. A Happy Wife Is Not a Happy Life
According to one, do not allow yourself to be the only one compromising. For nineteen years, he always gave in to his wife’s demands. She fought tooth and nail to get her way.
So he always thought giving in would keep her happy. It turns out this wasn’t enough, so she left. His identity is deeply attached to her and her life. Figuring out how to be his own person is difficult for him.
7. Make Sure You Like Your Partner
Marry a partner you like, not just love. A respondent adds that the relationship’s newness fades away, and people stop being polite. Things get real. They suggest going to premarital therapy to discuss how you handle emotions, chores, and political views.
8. You Marry a Woman and Her Family
Have you ever heard of due diligence before getting married? Somebody suggests that although it may seem selfish, look into a woman’s family before marrying. Her family will be your in-laws. He almost broke it off with his partner due to multiple issues that lasted years. There was so much drama and bad feelings. He only gets along with one because they established an equal ground.
9. You May Be Dating a Single Person
Just because you’re in a committed relationship with an individual doesn’t mean they’re in it with you. A person replies that you cannot assume your partner has decided to be monogamous. This needs to be a discussion where you both decide to be exclusive. If they decide the arrangement doesn’t work for them, you can choose how to continue.
10. Have Girlfriends
Finally, another man advises men to form friendships with women. Not the type of friends you’d want to get with later, but ones you can be open and vulnerable with. You’ll benefit from different perspectives and get the best wingmen. People you’ve been in a relationship with can offer you great advice.
This thread inspired this post.
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