Marriage can be tough to deal with sometimes. There are rainy days and sunny days, but what makes it better is knowing that no matter what one is going through, they are not going through it alone.
Unfortunately, in marriage it is still possible to feel all alone. A true partner sticks by you in tough times, but when one abandons his partner regularly to do things like party and hang out with friends, they are basically asking for trouble. Getting married is signing up for a partnership, and everyone should know that.
Yes, this is another classic tale of a man leaving his wife for the party. Here’s the full gist.
It Begins in the NICU
OP is a 30-year-old. She had an emergency C-section six weeks ago to give birth to their daughter who ended up in the NICU for two weeks. NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit) is a ward for babies born prematurely or babies that are dangerously ill. Giving birth itself is a tough and painful process, but having your baby wind up in the NICU is even more intense.
Being there for a wife who has been through this is only the bare minimum. But, I guess life gets in the way of good intentions.
OP’s baby almost died in the process, but she doesn’t feel the need to get into all that. Still, she said it took a toll on her mental health. An experience like that would clearly be a nightmare to any woman.
She’s At Home, He Works Night Shifts
OP’s husband told her he was planning to go on a weekend bachelor party trip, which was a nine hour drive away from where they lived, within the next week. Aside from the newborn baby, they have a two-year-old. Everyone knows how hard it is to take care of young children, right? A nursing mother having to do it alone, coupled with everyday domestic chores, sounds like a handful.
According to her, she does 90% of the caretaking since she was on unpaid maternity leave. Meanwhile, her husband currently works night shifts, so the only time he has to spend with the family is about two hours in the evening.
After that, he goes to bed until it’s time for his shift. It’s almost like he spends no time with them at all, and in that slim schedule, there’s no time for her, too. Aside from that she needs help with domestic duties and taking care of the children, I feel she must also have emotional needs which her husband is never there to fulfill.
Husband Wants a Fun Trip
OP never gets to leave the house. She’s truly the definition of a stay-at-home mom. It’s so bad that she rarely gets the opportunity to take a bath every day. Yet, her husband is thinking of taking a trip. “How is it fair or considerate of him to be able to take this trip?” she asks.
She thinks if the kids were a little older and he spent more time with them, she wouldn’t mind so much. But she’s drowning mentally and physically, and he’s planning a trip to a bachelor’s party. To think that he would be doing that while she was on the brink of sanity, struggling to take care of their kids must hurt a lot.
She doesn’t want him to go, but she’s not sure if she would be a bad person to ask him not to. Still, she thinks it’s inappropriate that he would leave her alone with a newborn and a toddler to go party.
Should She Let Him Go?
Everyone is on OP’s side. They think her husband would be a bad person to do what he’s planning to, and they’re certainly not holding back in their responses.
u/imothro gives a piece of “straight-up” advice: “If your husband goes, divorce him. Your kid almost died four weeks ago and you just had emergency surgery. If he leaves you at home with a newborn and toddler under those circumstances, he shouldn’t bother coming home.”
Another person said, “Yeah, OP, I hate to say it, but your husband sounds like he could care less about your child and you. I had c-sections, and my husband was there EVERY step of the way. (Literally, showering me off because I had trouble standing that long.) His friends and he do an annual trip, and I didn’t even know he missed it, because he never brought it up to me. Even when our child was a year old, he felt like he was ‘too little’ to leave.
OP, I hope you have a supportive family somewhere. I’d be running to them.”
I hope so, too. OP deserves all the comfort she can get now with all that she’s been through. Her husband shouldn’t have to be told that he needs to be there for her. Hopefully, he sees how going on the trip wouldn’t be the best move, and if he does, he’s putting his marriage on the line.
This thread inspired this post.