15 Real-life Tales From Women Facing off With Toxic Masculinity
In a world where societal norms often confine individuals within rigid roles, toxic masculinity emerges as a silent yet pervasive challenge. This constraining idea of “manhood” affects not only men but women and gender-nonconforming individuals as well. Driven by her own experiences, a curious woman turned to a well-known online forum. She sought real-life examples from other women who have come face-to-face with these stifling expectations. The stories they shared are both eye-opening and all too familiar.
1. Men Offended by Certain Compliments
One massive element of toxic masculinity is an aversion towards anything feminine. One user says they told a man he had beautiful eyes. Rather than accept the kind compliment, he became defensive and offended.
2. Men Hating When Women Are Smarter Than Them
Toxic masculinity relies on the myth that men are naturally stronger, more intelligent, and more powerful than women. Someone shares their story of talking to three men on dating sites, all of whom told her she was too smart and ghosted her.
3. Men Feeling Threatened by Butch Lesbians
Men who engage with toxic masculinity are typically confused by lesbians and are even threatened by more masculine presenting lesbians.
One self-proclaimed butch even writes that men can become angry and violent with her because they see her as a competition for more feminine women. “It scares me,” she adds.
4. Men Avoiding the Color Pink
Men bully each other for minor things, including wearing pink or owning pink items, simply because the color pink is considered feminine in our society.
Somebody even laments about a time when she and her husband were out at a bar where a group of men shouted homophobic slurs at him simply for wearing pink.
5. Telling Little Boys to “Man Up.”
The cycle of toxic masculinity begins with little boys. When men punish their sons for showing emotion or crying, they teach their children that being a man is about denying themselves of a massively human experience.
6. Weaponizing Emotions
Violence against women, particularly in the bedroom, is a massive issue in our society that people rarely discuss. A considerable element of toxic masculinity is that many men believe having a lot of physical relations is part of what makes them “a man.”
One respondent notes that they’ve experienced men “Being angry when I say no to adult relations. Throwing a fit like a child.” This is a form of emotional manipulation.
7. Men Refusing to Care For Their Own Children
Traditionally in our culture, women are believed to be the caregivers of the family while men are the breadwinners. While many of us have moved past these tired roles, toxic masculinity does its best to keep them around for the long haul. For example, many men don’t want to be seen playing with or caring for their kids because they don’t think it’s manly.
8. Men Repressing Their Emotions
Men are taught to keep their emotions hidden inside. If they cry or show they’re upset, they’re often told to stop it and to “man up.” But the thing is, every person has emotions and deserves to express them healthily.
9. Men Making Fun of Their Friends for Doing Anything Remotely Feminine
An individual on the thread shares a story about her boyfriend bringing flowers for his mother when the two visited her home. He arranged them nicely in a vase for her as his brother looked on and teased him, calling him a girl.
Apparently, simply touching flowers for more than two minutes is considered too feminine to those who engage in toxic masculinity.
10. Feeling Angry When a Woman Switches up Traditional Gender Roles
The harmful belief that women belong in the kitchen is one of many that make up traditional gender roles for women. While many of us know that women can do anything that a man can do, some toxic men believe that women’s and men’s roles should remain separate even now in 2023.
Another user says she went on a date with a man and held the door open for him, and he complained about it for the entire date. A second user adds that she offered to pay for a male friend’s lunch, which offended him.
11. Calling Women Girls
Women are women, period. It’s infantilizing when men call women girls. “It’s like they are afraid of the power a woman holds and want to degrade us by giving us minimizing terms,” one commenter explains.
12. Men Having Double Standards About Their Girlfriend’s Cheating With Women Versus Men
When a man who upholds toxic masculinity’s girlfriend cheats on him with another man, he sees it as a breach of trust. But when his girlfriend cheats on him with another woman, he thinks it’s sexy. According to one contributor, this double standard invalidates same-sex relationships. It perpetuates the belief that “women are less than men.”
13. Men Feeling Entitled to Women’s Time and Energy
What’s with the common trend of men assuming women are there to clean up after them and care for them? News flash: your wife isn’t your mommy. Yet many men feel entitled to a woman’s time and energy simply because of the roles they perceive women and men should uphold.
14. Double Standards
Women are constantly shamed for wearing revealing clothing and having casual s*x. But simultaneously, men who sleep around are seen as cool and attractive.
15. Men Refusing To Admit When They’re Wrong
Toxic masculinity causes many men to grow giant egos, which comes with an inability to admit wrongdoing or apologize for their actions. Accountability is an essential piece of any relationship. When one person is always to blame, and one person is seen as perfect, that is a power imbalance.
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