The Second Time Around: Do Parents Really Feel Differently About Their Second Child?

PARENTING

When your first child arrives, it’s like a wave of immense love sweeps over you. It seems impossible to imagine having room for more. But then, your second child makes an entrance. Despite what society often suggests, the idea of loving each child equally can be more complex than it sounds.

A man recently shared with an online parenting community that he felt guilty because he didn’t love his newborn as much as his first-born toddler. These are ten insights from the forum into this taboo topic, breaking down the barriers and starting an open conversation about a difficult subject.

A Closer Look

Your first child was a significant worldview change. You had to learn a lot of self-sacrifices, which immediately bound your heart and emotions to the object of that sacrifice. Child number two doesn’t engender that same emotion and perspective shift because you’re already in self-sacrifice mode, so it feels like you aren’t bonding with them.

Adjusting to the Arrival of the Second Child

Another person advised parents to keep in mind that they don’t know his personality yet. It takes a while for that to emerge. Once he starts responding to you (like smiling) and his character comes out, things will change.

Personality Takes Time To Emerge

The second child is always more demanding. After all, you’re doing all the newborn stuff on even less sleep because you have another child that needs your energy. So, you have less time for everything in general.

Less Time, Less Sleep, and Less Connection

Postpartum anxiety and depression can affect men too. When babies are new and tiny, crying and pooping are common. However, constantly comparing your experience to others can steal away your joy. If you feel irritable or regretful later on, don’t hesitate to contact your doctor.

PPA/PPD

You are in pure survival mode. There are no emotions outside of keeping these tiny humans and yourself alive. The first year is so hard. When they are older, you can play together, you guys can do fun family outings, and you’ll be overwhelmed with new emotions.

The First Year Is Survival Mode

People need to understand: parents of multiple children have favorites. Even if they say they don’t and they don’t feel they do. Sometimes this preference is subtle, but other times it can be extreme and lead to neglect.

Parents Have Favorites Among Their Children

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