Men, understanding them can be a walk in the dark. Even though I have been purposely studying my man for over 3 years now, I still don’t always get him. I know many veteran wives will also attest to that.
This post on how to understand a man is simply sharing what I have learned by studying my own dear hubby.
How to Understand a Man:
Men think completely differently than women. In fact they word their phrases differently as I shared in “When Hurtful Words are Spoken“. So how do you understand someone who speaks a completely different language than you do?
By studying them. When you were dating, you most likely spent a lot of time thinking about them and trying to learn about them. I know I did. But somehow after we got married I quit studying him. I just thought we were married and I knew everything there was about this man.
This false assumption also lead me to think that he also knew all about me. As a result, we had a very tumultuous first 2-3 years. I was hurt and angry, he was totally lost and confused.
My entire focus became making him understand me. We would lay in bed and I would tearfully tell him everything I needed, he would say he would try better, but nothing ever changed. How could he understand me when I wasn’t talking his language?
I think I finally just gave up. I was stuck in a horrible marriage (in my mind) and I may as well accept it. Somehow I got to thinking about Jason and started feeling a bit sorry for him too. After all, he wasn’t a bad guy, he just didn’t understand me.
So I started trying to understand him. Trying to understand why he didn’t get me. I began to purposefully study who he was, and what made him tick.
When you study someone you have to spend time with them. So I started trying to take an interest in what he was doing. And when he was talking, I tried to really pay attention and hear what he was saying, even when it was the most boring thing in the world.
I started taking part in his “big dreams” supporting them, but maybe not always agreeing with them. In those cases I kept my mouth shut tight!
I began to simply accept him as he was, laughed at his jokes (even the not funny ones), and to make him a huge part of my life. It turned out that he became my best friend, (we were friends before we ever started dating) and I began to enjoy him being around. An added bonus was that he started to try and understand me!
How to Understand a Man: What I did.
- I began to study him
- Spent more time with him
- Learned his dreams
- Started trying to see things his way
- I learned to walk away from pointless arguments
- Accepted him for who he was
- Accepted the fact that he may never be who I wanted him to be
- Determined to make the best of the situation and be happy
- Positively affirmed who he was
- Negative thoughts about him were banned
- Refusing to take part in the “hubby bashing” convos that women have
Do I totally understand him? No. But I accept him. Like I said before, he is a good guy and he didn’t deserve a mopy, whiny wife. He deserved a wife who would stand up for their marriage, for him, and for herself.
Yes, by fighting for our marriage and trying to understand my husband, I was standing up for myself. By purposing to put him first and focusing on him, I became happy again. Makes me think of the children’s song:
J O Y, J O Y, This is what it means,
Jesus first, yourself last,
and others in between!
If you want to understand your man, then I suggest you began to study him. Take notes if you must, but study him.